The Affect It Holds
by Codiak
Summary: In honor for anyone who's here and then just...gone.


****This has been edited.**

**PLEASE READ.**

**At the beginning of the week, I started marching band. And...one of our band leaders announced that a senior player had cancer and was in Colorado for different treatment. I didn't hear what kind of cancer, but it was a rare form of whatever it was. And our band leader said that he thought that his friend was getting better. He had flown out to see him some time before.**

**Yesterday, I walked in for practice and my friend pointed out that a lot of us were wearing black. I was as well, but I didn't notice or know why anyone was wearing black. Our band leader went up to the podium and announced that his friend had passed away earlier that day. He lost his fight. He said a few words and another two came up to say some words. When I saw who was talking, I realized that the senior that passed away was one of the kids I was supposed to stand next to last year when we performed our field shows. I only knew his first name, David, and he wasn't at the games half the time because of sports. But I never really thought about him. We weren't friends and we never talked or anything. I didn't really give it much thought.**

**Today, in the car, I told my mom about David. And I got really upset. There was that kid standing next to me sometimes during our football games and now, he's _not here anymore_. And I didn't and I don't _understand why_. I don't understand how someone _can be here_ and then _suddenly be gone_. And I don't know understand how someone _can just stop being alive_. It doesn't make sense to me. And it isn't_ fair_. I've lost too many people in my life already and then this kid is just _gone now_, even if I didn't know him. And it really hit me hard how people just go away one day and _don't come back and there's nothing you can do about it_. And I just can't understand _why_ this happens. He had his whole life ahead of him and now he's gone. He's just gone.**

**I realized how affected I was by this. And I'm still really upset about it. I'm having a hard time not crying - no, I _am _crying right now - and he wasn't even someone I knew. He was just the guy who stood next to me in band. And now he's gone. I needed to get this out somehow, express myself. So I wrote. Danny's reaction below was what mine was in the car with my mom today.**

**And yeah, the fucking radio hates me. You'll understand when you get to that part.**

**But I think the point I'm trying to make is that _please, please, please_ take the time you have and use it. Don't let it waste away. Meet someone new everyday and spend time with your friends and your family. And try to enjoy life, find something that makes you happy every day. Because you don't know what's going to happen next. And it's not fair what people go through. It's just not. It's not fair when we lose people we love and people we know. I know that all too well.**

**So just take what I said into thought. And I want to say that I feel better now. But I really don't. I'm tired of people dying around me and walking away. I really am.**

* * *

><p>The morning announcements usually held entertainment for the students, with witty jokes and small, innocent jabs at teachers. However, today's school news cast was dressed in black and had nonexistent smiles.<p>

Danny frowned at the expressions of the seniors that normally had such spunk when about to go through the cycles over the television screen. He wasn't quite sure why many of his fellow peers were dressed in black, but his mind didn't give it much thought.

"As some of you may have known," a boy, Kyle, on screen began, "Janie-Lynn Eckert was diagnosed with cancer and she's been fighting it off. She flew out to Colorado for a different treatment because she didn't want to go through chemo. Um…" He cleared his throat again, licking his lips. "Early this morning, she passed away and…" Kyle paused again, trying to collect himself. "She was one of my closest friends. I…"

"Janie-Lynn always worked hard to do what she said she was going to do," the girl beside Kyle, Lucy, continued. "We had joined ski patrol and she would work through all those extra hours, well into the night, and still have everything done. And she did that for me because that was the kind of person she was. We could talk about anything." Lucy released a breath, visibly ready to breakdown. "I just… I can't believe this is real."

The television switched to a blue screen, the two seniors gone from the sight of the student body. Danny's class blankly stared around the room, some sniffling in response to the recent words they had heard. It then made sense to Danny, why many were dressed in black.

He awkwardly turned to glance at his friends, both of whom were simply quiet. Danny then slowly turned his head to the left, eyes running over the empty desk beside him. It had been empty for a little over a month, but it seemed that it would remain that way until someone new filled the chair. He felt something odd stir inside of him, but pushed it away to turn his attention to his psychology teacher. He, like his friends and the late Janie-Lynn, had just wanted an extra class to fill his schedule.

"If anyone needs to talk or go to guidance," Mr. Timothy said, "then that's fine. I'm here as well if anyone needs some time." Heads nodded and small replies echoed out in low tones. Danny averted his eyes to those few that were holding back tears and sunk down in his chair. Overall, the class was being pulled down by an unseen force.

* * *

><p>Danny quietly walked into the room and took his seat, frowning at the space beside him. Sam and Tucker sat around him in their normal seats, trying to lightly drag him into a conversation. He didn't quite feel like talking, though.<p>

"I heard that they're closing the amusement park for the winter," Tucker announced. "That sucks, doesn't it, Danny?"

"Huh?" Danny returned. "Oh… Yeah. That does, I guess."

"You okay?" Sam asked, leaning forward from behind him to pat his shoulder.

"Fine." He sighed and folded his arms on his desk, thoughts wandering off as Mr. Timothy called roll and began that day's lesson. Danny's blue eyes continuously trailed off to the lonely desk and he frowned. _How can this even…_ he trailed off in his own head. _How can someone be here and then gone?_ He had never really spoken much to Janie-Lynn in the time he sat next to her. Maybe they exchanged a few words of greeting or their names at the beginning of the year, but they weren't friends. He couldn't even remember her last name. But that wasn't what bothered him.

_She was there…_ his thoughts said, seemingly trying to grasp something. _She was there and now she's…not. Why? That doesn't make any sense. How can she be gone?_ Without realizing it, Danny's eyes began to burn and he wiped at them, even more confused than before. He sniffed to clear his nose and then clenched his teeth together, his eyes blurring. _How can she be gone? That's not fair. It's…not. How is someone there and then not? How?_

"Danny," Mr. Timothy said quietly. "Danny, are you all right?" Danny's eyes snapped upwards and he furiously rubbed the back of his hand against them, shaking his head when he finished. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No," Danny answered, voice cracking. He felt a tear slip down his cheek and gritted his teeth, trying to keep his lip from quivering.

"Are you sure?" The man came closer and knelt down beside the upset teen. "It's okay, Danny."

"How can she be gone?" Danny demanded, more tears streaming down his face and dripping off onto his clothes. "How can she be here and then…be gone? It doesn't make sense." He looked to the empty desk. "She sits there. But now she doesn't anymore. And I don't know _why_. I don't _know_."

"No one does," Mr. Timothy agreed. "It happens and sometimes, we don't know why it does."

Danny stared at him, breathing hard. "But how can she be suddenly not there anymore? Janie-Lynn was here and she was breathing and she was listening to music and she had friends. And now she's not here anymore. How can someone be here and then just…not? It's not fair. It doesn't make sense. And…" He wiped at his eyes again. "And I didn't even know her. She was just there. She sat beside me and now she doesn't. And I just can't… _Why_?"

Mr. Timothy closed his eyes, nodding his head. "I know," he said. He rested a hand on Danny's shoulder. "How about we call your mom to come and get you, huh? Come on. It's okay. Come on."

* * *

><p>"You want to talk about it?" Maddie wondered softly, glancing over at her son.<p>

"Not really," Danny replied, staring out the window of the car.

"If you do, I'm here."

"I know." He breathed out and shut his eyes, wanting to keep calm.

"I have to stop at the post office before we go home," Maddie announced just as she was turning the car into said destination. "Do you want to come in or…?"

"I'll stay," Danny mumbled. Maddie gave him a small smile and touched his hand before getting out of the car, leaving the keys in the ignition. Danny paused before hitting one of the pre-set buttons for a radio station.

_"…enough tiiiiiime!"_

Danny groaned at the tune and then hit for another station.

_"Lord, make me a rainbow. I'll shine down on my mother. She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors…"_

"You have got to be fucking kidding me," Danny muttered, slumping back against the seat. The same song just _had_ to be playing on two of his usual stations? His thoughts continued to revolve around his feelings about Janie-Lynn and he pulled his feet up onto the seat so that he could curl his arms around them. Of course, when he finally snapped back, the song only made him feel worse.

_"…what I never did is done. A penny for my thoughts. Oh, no. I'll sell 'em for a dollar. They're worth so much more after I'm a goner. And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singing. Funny when you're dead how people start listening…"_

It was safe to say that Danny had to work overtime to keep his eyes clear for when he got home.

* * *

><p>Danny trudged up the stairs and absentmindedly sat down at his computer, leaning forward on the desk. His hand played with the mouse for a while before he clicked on his Word document and stared at the blank white page before his eyes. He bit down on his lip, wanting to get his thoughts straight.<p>

Danny then began to type.

_I didn't understand why a lot of people were wearing black until I saw the morning announcements…_

* * *

><p><strong>For David and anyone else who's just...gone.<strong>


End file.
